A pet for life- not just for a show

I suppose this has been bit of a wake-up call. I was blissfully lucky with Les Primas. Everyone was approachable and considerate, everything was beautifully organised and there were no stupid demands. It was the very opposite of the diva-like behaviour being parodied on stage. I never took that for granted, but this has made me appreciate that cast and creative team all the more. So much hinges on having an organised, sensible, tactful director. One who isn't particularly well organised and is severely lacking in People Skills isn't anyone's dream employer, least of all the lowest minion of all- the bunny chaperone. I'm still not entirely sure what the point was in going to enormous fuss and expense (though my fee was absolute peanuts) to get a real rabbit to appear in two scenes, after which he's replaced by a toy for a climax that apparently made no sense whatsoever. There's nothing about about a rabbit in the text at all; it's all in the director's warped mind. It isn't like needing a real Toto for The Wizard of Oz. How did I get involved? Well, I was up for just about anything to get a foot in the door in the theatre industry, but now I know that there really are limits. I should have backed out when Herr Director (HD) (who clearly hadn't done any research about the practicalities) told me that the bunny was coming from a pet shop, as I don't approve of animals being bought and sold when there are so many in rescue centres that need homes. I'd made it pretty clear that I couldn't keep the bunny permanently, and had been led to believe that there was someone interested in taking him, but that fell through. I have never felt as awkward as I did in that pet shop when HD asked if Bunny (name withheld in interest of privacy) could be returned in a week's time and he was informed that animals are sold for life. Which is exactly the way it should be. I'm not sure when I'll get over that feeling of shame about buying an animal just to use it. I was supposed to be delighted when a deal was negotiated to have him returned to the pet shop the day after the show was over. On the contrary, I was disgusted by the attitude that it's acceptable to buy an animal, use it for a few days in your little project and then return it when you don't need it any more. I can't believe no one else picked up on that. If you want to 'hire' a rabbit, find someone who already has one as a pet and is willing to have it appear (and if that isn't possible, use a toy). He might be sold eventually, but goodness knows when. We're in the middle of a credit crunch; only a fool would pay £50 for a rabbit when you can get one for free from a rescue centre.

The first night was absolute hell- I was given the wrong instructions, which the rather unpleasant leading lady blamed me for and there was a misunderstanding somewhere along the line (I maintain that I only did as I was told) which caused HD to speak to me quite harshly in a way that was completely uncalled for. It's awful not knowing if anyone is on your side (I'll always be grateful to the lovely tenor for trying to comfort me and telling me it wasn't my fault- which it wasn't, but I'd been made to feel as if it was). Funny how HD claims to be experienced in theatre, opera and film (in fact, IMDb suggests that his screen experience is limited to three individual TV episodes in German soap operas, and the last one was ten years ago) in his resumé, but is very coy about giving examples. My family and friends who saw the show (I didn't get to see any of it as I was backstage the entire time) found it pretentious, convaluted and incomprehensible thanks to the inept direction and awkward staging (although I'm sorry they had a wasted evening, such comments really were music to my ears), and all agreed that Bunny was the best thing about it. Lots of people cooed over him and told him he was the star of the show. Being a modest kind of bunny, he's trying not to let all the praise go to his head, but I think he's entitled to feel rather pleased with himself. He was absolutely good as gold throughout and is astonishingly docile and relaxed for a rabbit.

At the time of going to press, Bunny's future is undecided, but one thing is for certain- he won't be going back to that pet shop. I'm unutterably relieved that my mother has come round to my way of thinking. Ideally, a young family with a garden will be delighted to give him a home. He really is the ideal family pet. If not, he'll stay with us. It isn't what was planned, but he's been very happy here, and adjustments can be made. We all love him and a home is a home. It's hard to imagine another job coming with so much emotional and ethical baggage. Should I continue in this line of work, you never know what's going to happen.